Dave Parker's Home Page
For everyone who was worried1, Janine and I were among the
survivors2 of the Bald Mountain Massacre3. The shooter
unleashed dozens of rounds4; bullets were flying
everywhere5. As soon as we heard the shooting6, Janine
and I instinctively threw ourselves into the line of fire7, thus
protecting the people behind us from danger. We kept the shooter under
close8 surveillance until the police and SWAT teams arrived, and we
warned off newcomers from the area. About 20 police cars and SWAT vehicles
arrived at the scene. After the police checked the license plates of all the
vehicles in the parking lot, we learned that we had parked right next to the
shooter's van. The shooter was finally surrounded and arrested by four SWAT
team members with assault rifles. We were there for over 2 hours, until the
police had taken our statements and released our cars. We didn't hike Bald
Mountain that day because it was getting late and thunder clouds had started to
gather, so we returned the next day for the hike. We met some other survivors
on the peak and had a mini-reunion9. Bald Mountain is Janine's
favorite mountain in the Uintas10.
team called to Bald Mountain, 08/14/2012
1 No one. Janine.
2 Everyone survived. Janine.
3 No one got even a scratch. Janine.
4 About 0.83 dozens. Janine.
5 Before we arrived. Janine.
6 We arrived just before the last shot. Janine.
7 To get a better view. Janine.
8 A quarter of a mile. Janine.
9 Where the men embellished the story to make themselves sound like heroes. Janine.
10 It's much better than Tall Dark Handsome Rich Mountain. Janine.
I shamelessly took advantage of the HTML that Janine wrote for her home page.
3007 East 3215 South
Salt Lake City, Utah 84109-2123
Born: July 7, 1957. Janine's husband. Rebecca, Michael, Daniel, and Jonathan's dad.
If you are searching for a Dave Parker (or David Parker, or David B Parker,
or David Blair Parker), then I may be the person you are looking for if you know
of me in connection with: James Logan High School, Churchill County High
School Class of 1975, Stanford University Class of 1979, SLAC, MIT, artificial neural networks,
backpropagation, assembly language, AcroSpin, DPGraph, Texas Instruments,
Derive, Referentia Systems, Flaming Thunder, Electronic Arts, momentum
field, force field, Michelson-Morley experiment.
Updated August 16, 2012.
Some of my favorite photographs:
1983. We stopped at the Grand Canyon on our way from California to MIT for the start of Janine's graduate work in physics.
1984. The happiest day of my life. The demurest day of Janine's life.
Janine's parents Sheldon & Barbara, my parents Annette & Morgan, 1984. Janine and I were married by our parents, who served as judges, jury, and elocutioners.
Me, Becky, 1985. We bought the baby-pack at the Salvation Army and found Becky inside.
Me, Becky, Janine, Michael, 1987. Becky would dash out of our yard the instant we took off her shock collar.
Michael, friend Taina, Rebecca, Janine, 1987. Janine dropping a tarantula down Taina's shirt.
1988. Daniel discovers subatomic particles in Janine's ear.
1989. Becky, me, and Michael seeing how long Daniel can hold his breath.
1989. Mountain woman Janine. Janine makes all of our towels by chewing tree bark.
|1989. Milo of Croton.||Venus de Milo of Croton|
1991. Late-night buddies. While Janine caught some sleep, Jonathan caught air molecules.
1993. Daniel whacking at one of Janine's homemade pinatas. Janine put a blowhole in the top so that Jonathan didn't suffocate.
Janine, Jonathan (in Janine's lap, wrapped in swaddling clothes), Daniel, Ronald McDonald without makeup, my Mom, sister Deb, nephew Wes, 1993.
Drenched at SeaWorld, where we learned that killer whales have huge bladders.
1993. Janine, Michael, and me enjoying Monopoly, although we didn't find any monopoles.
1993. Our life is full of drama.
Daniel, Michael, Jonathan, Rebecca, 1993. The secret to cute kids is to let their father cut their hair.
Grandmother Nana, 1993. Nana required powerful meds.
Janine, Rebecca, friend Jane, 1997. The ladies enjoying an outing at the NY Met. Beck liked watching the pigeons, for about two more seconds.
Top: brother Phil.
Bottom: father Morgan, sister Deb, camera glare, brother Jay, mother Annette, 2003.
Janine and I do all of our own yard work.
Rebecca, me, 2007. Beck left some photos on a camera that she lent to me; I discovered that great minds photograph themselves alike.
Homemade Ice Cream
For decades, Janine and I have experimented with ice cream recipes. Instead
of ice cream recipes that involve separating eggs, cooking a custard base, or
other complications, we've developed recipes that are simple and quick. And
disgusting! Our salmon ice cream made people retch. On the other hand, and
melting between my fingers, some of our ice cream was voted "Best Ice Cream In
The World" by a distinguished panel of me and Janine. Below are two of our
favorite basic recipes.
WARNING: These recipes use raw eggs. If you think that raw eggs might cause
you any health problems whatsoever, please make any modifications that you feel
are necessary in order to include me in your will.
The ice cream maker we currently use is a Cuisinart ICE-21.
Williams-Sonoma sells it with an extra freezer bowl, which is really handy for
making several batches of ice cream in a row. Our deep-freezer (-10° F) keeps the
bowls cold enough so that we can make 2 batches of ice cream per bowl, for a total of
4 batches of ice cream in one session. http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/cuisinart-ice-cream-maker-extra-freezer-bowl/
Cheesecake Ice Cream, makes about 1½ quarts
- 8 oz package Kraft Philadelphia cream cheese (we've tried some store brands, but they usually have more liquid and less cheese, so the ice cream turns out tasting less rich).
- ¼ cup sour cream.
- 1 cup sugar (dark brown, or light brown, or granulated white, whatever you like best; when we make 4 batches we usually make 1 dark, 2 light, and 1 white because at our taste tests that's about the ratio of peoples' favorites).
- 3 large eggs.
- 12 oz heavy whipping cream (make sure the label says "heavy" because regular whipping cream won't deposit enough fat in your arteries).
- Put the cream cheese, sour cream, and sugar into a mixing bowl.
- Using a mixing spoon, mash them all together.
- Using an electic beater, beat the mash until the lumps of cream cheese disappear, leaving the mixture with
a consistency like creamy peanut butter.
- Crack in the eggs.
- Using the electric beater, beat in the eggs.
- Pour in the heavy whipping cream.
- Still using the electric beater, beat in the heavy whipping cream.
- Pour the mixture into your ice cream maker and let it run till it's done. In our ICE-21, it's usually done in 15-20 minutes. We then reuse the bowl for a second batch, which usually finishes in 20-25 minutes.
Blackberry Cheesecake variation: reduce the sugar to ½ cup of
granulated white sugar and add ½ cup of seedless blackberry preserves at
the same time you add the eggs. Or, use whatever your favorite seedless
Chocolate Ice Cream, makes about 1½ quarts
- 5 oz cocoa (as weighed in a bowl on a postal scale (remember to reset the scale to 0 after putting the bowl on, so that you're only weighing the cocoa), but if you don't have a scale then measuring cups are probably accurate enough - maybe try making a batch using 1½ cups of cocoa to see if that works for you (the exact volume depends on how fluffy or dense the cocoa happens to be)).
- 1½ cups granulated white sugar.
- 5 large eggs.
- 11 oz heavy whipping cream.
- Put the cocoa, sugar, and eggs into a mixing bowl.
- Using a mixing spoon, mix everything together until all of the cocoa is moistened. Don't mix too hard or the cocoa will billow out. You should end up with a cakey mass.
- Pour in the heavy whipping cream.
- Using an electric beater, beat in the heavy whipping cream.
- Pour the mixture into your ice cream maker and let it run till it's done.
- NOTE: we are not convinced that chocolate ice cream is the best use of
chocolate. It may be that ice cream is too cold for the
proper appreciation of chocolate. Would it be better to make chocolate mousse, which
is served chilled instead of frozen? To research this question
we received a $787 billion stimulus grant, in case you were wondering where it all ended up.
QUICK NOTE: we may have come up with a recipe for chocolate ice cream that
doesn't need an ice cream maker, and that if put in the refrigerator instead
of the freezer, becomes chocolate mousse. We're still playing around with it,
but here is the ingredient list for our most recent experiment:
- 8 oz cocoa (whole can).
- 6 large eggs.
- 2½ cups granulated white sugar.
- 12 oz heavy whipping cream.
NOTE TO SELVES: Next time, try letting sugar dissolve in whipping cream while mashing together cocoa and eggs. Also,
add some flavorings (vanilla or orange extract, etc).
Music/audio links that I don't want to lose:
- Al Yankovic, "White & Nerdy" by Al Yankovic/Chamillionaire
- Arrows, "I Love Rock N Roll" • Joan Jett and the Blackhearts cover
- Bogdana Petrova, "I Surrender" by Louis Biancaniello/Sam Watters
- Bonnie Tyler, "Holding Out for a Hero" by Jim Steinman/Dean Pitchford
- Britney Spears, Beyoncé, Pink, "We Will Rock You" by Brian May. Brian May and Roger Taylor (Queen drummer) appear at 1:38 in the video.
- C. W. McCall, "Convoy" • "Wolf Creek Pass" • "Crispy Critters"
- Deliverance, "Dueling Banjos" by Arthur Smith
- Eric Clapton, "Layla" by Eric Clapton/Jim Gordon
- Glass Duo, "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor" by J. S. Bach, part 1 of 2 • part 2 of 2 • "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" by P.I. Tchaikovsky • "Morning Mood and Anitra's Dance" by E.H. Grieg • "Invention No. 8" by J.S. Bach • "Rondo alla Turca" by W.A. Mozart
- Heart, "Barracuda" by Ann and Nancy Wilson • "Crazy on You" 1976 • 1978 performance
- Janis Joplin, "Mercedes Benz" by Janis Joplin/Michael McClure/Bob Neuwirth
- Jennifer Lynn, Christine Wu, Meytal Cohen, "Toxicity" by System of a Down
- Joni Mitchell, "Both Sides Now" • "Big Yellow Taxi" • "Circle Game"
- Laurie Anderson, "O Superman", released in 1981, 20 years before 9/11
- Mariah Carey, "Without You" by Pete Ham/Tom Evans (Badfinger)
- Michael Jackson, age 11, with the Jackson 5, "I Want You Back" by Berry Gordy/Freddie Perren/Alphonzo Mizell/Deke Richards
- Paul Potts, "Nessun Dorma" from "Turandot" by Giacomo Puccini/Giuseppe Adami/Renato Simoni
- Queen, "We Will Rock You" by Brian May (lead guitarist/astrophysicist/Chancellor of Liverpool John Moores University)
- Randy Rhoads (lead guitarist), "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne/Randy Rhoads/Bob Daisley
- Stevie Nicks, "Edge of Seventeen"
- Stevie Wonder, "I Just Called To Say I Love You"
- Sung-Bong Choi, "Nella Fantasia" by Ennio Morricone/Chiara Ferraù
- Susan Boyle, "I Dreamed A Dream" from "Les Misérables" by Claude-Michel Schönberg/Alain Boublil
- Trans-Siberian Orchestra, "Wizards in Winter" by Paul O'Neill/Robert Kinkel, lights by Carson Williams
- Unknown, "Also sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss
- Virtual Barbershop, no video, binaural audio, wear headphones
- Yanni, "The Storm" from "The Four Seasons" by Antonio Vivaldi
- Ysgol Glanaethwy, "Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi" ("O Fortuna") from "Carmina Burana" by Carl Orff